Tuesday, June 05, 2007

oh wells. tears of sadness and tears of joy. juxtapose both feelings u can say. and at the end of the day, with tears in your eyes but with a smile on your face, as u journey home under the beautiful sunset, that one year ago was the serenity of the sunrise.

yesterday, lt 3, add a digit to that and it would have been the same as a year back. this time, promoted from the first few rows to the middle few rows. where the title of junior was left where it once was, in the front roles and assuming the seats behind that would now confirm us seniors. from the incoming to the outgoing. from the nerve wrecking to the excitement of successors.

it was interesting i guess. looking back and looking at how much i have have grown. i was talking to wenhui and its this thing that i really felt. 365 days before and 365 days after. 365 days before, we embarked on a path, 365 days later, we look back. happy yes, sad also yes, regrets also yes. and i guess in life, it really important that we make the right decisions and having made the right decisions know the direction in which we wanna go. if not, a year down the road, when the effects of our decisions come knocking, we might not be able to retrace our steps anymore.

and yesterday, say abit of myself a year ago in all 3 of them. it was heart wrenching i tell u, its almost like u took a flashback of everything a year ago and in some way superimposed both events together, getting an overlap of emotions and i just really felt for them at that point of time. how it felt to miss out on something. how it felt to be so close to getting something u wanted only to give it up. and how it felt when committing to God could have meant the world came crashing down on u.

den it sort of came upon me how blessed i was. a year ago. when i joined council, i told myself, i wanted to go into exco cus i really wanted to make an impact and do something for myself and for pjc and for the 7th council. but i was in the same spot, church commitments, studies, and i guess it was only yesterday that i realised how blessed i was and how much favour of men i actually had and how He put wise words into my mouth that i didnt speak anything that could potentially ruin myself.

and if it was common grace at work or something, these church thingys just kept coming back to me, i had it 2 nights in a row in my dreams, den i got into the conversation about chc with mr tong, miss xiao and celest and even that word of encouragement by celest and even down to the people asking me why i didnt go emerge and this whole situation that brought the whole barrage of emotions. adding to the fact the stuff i had been talking to people about, like comforting them and stuff brought back a picture of me a year ago and something that i hardly did since my spiritual life went on decline.

thanks for taking care of me still. i believe in You and i still do. but i guess You just have to give me more time ... i m sorry.

|cowpoo| 11:55 AM|

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